When a man is with his spouse, he may notice that expressing his needs and feelings is tough. When he isn’t around her, however, this may not be an issue for him.
If this is the case, he may find it difficult to comprehend why he is acting the way he is. Not only that, but his partner is likely to be perplexed as to what is going on, and she may believe she is doing something incorrectly.
Because he doesn’t express his feelings, his partner may conclude that he isn’t truly interested in her. It won’t matter how affectionate he is or what he provides her then because he won’t be able to convey his feelings directly.
He might be stumped if his girlfriend says she doesn’t know where she stands with him, despite the fact that they are together. She, like he, will be perplexed by what is going on.
When he is in her presence, he will not be able to connect with himself. This means he’ll be out of touch with his body and his awareness will be focused on his thoughts.
He won’t be able to access his needs or feelings if he is this way, but he will be able to access his thoughts. However, because his mind will be cut off from the rest of his being, he will be deprived of important knowledge.
If he tries to connect with what’s going on inside of him when he’s near her, his thoughts might just go blank. However, if he connects to a need, he may find himself in an uncomfortable situation.
He may soon lose touch with this need and revert to his previous state. Living out of touch with oneself will not benefit him, but it will seem comfortable, and this will demonstrate that being this way is safe.
An Outside Perspective
Another factor is that while he is in her company, he is likely to find that his emphasis is mostly on her. He can see that he feels compelled to pay attention to her needs.
As a result, though he won’t be tuned in to himself, he will be tuned in to his partner. Rather than communicating his needs and feelings, he will focus on saying and doing what he believes would please her.
Out of whack
What’s evident is that when he’s with his partner, he needs to be less concerned with what’s happening on outside and more concerned with what’s going on inside. This would allow him to be both aware of what is happening to her and conscious of what is happening to him.
Being this manner should feel natural, rather than being entirely concerned with what is going on with her. She will most likely not want to be in a relationship with someone who acts as an extension of her; she will want to be in a relationship with someone who behaves independently.
What exactly is going on?
There would be no reason for him to behave in this manner if it did not make him feel comfortable. The big question is why would acting in this manner be pleasurable?
This clearly indicates that something is wrong, as he should feel at ease communicating with and expressing himself around his spouse. This could indicate that his early years were not particularly nurturing, and that he was emotionally abandoned.
Back in Time
His behavior around his partner is likely to be similar to how he had to behave around his mother in order to survive as a child. He will have developed an inner template as a result of his experiences with his mother, and this template will be what defines how he interacts towards his spouse.
His mother most likely utilized him at this point in his life to meet some of her adult and unmet childhood demands. He may have been punished, disapproved of, and/or abandoned if he communicated his wants or feelings.
A Serious Threat
He would have lost touch with his true self, his body, as a result of this very early on. At this point in his life, his primary need was to survive rather than express himself, which is why he had to become hyper-focused on his mother’s wants and do everything he could to satisfy her.
After all, he was emotionally immature and reliant; he couldn’t stop what was happening, and he couldn’t get away from his mother. The only thing he could do was adapt to what was going on, and in the process, he became divorced from himself.
A natural result
Many years will have passed, yet he will unconsciously regard his spouse and nearly every other woman as his mother, according to the defense mechanism known as transference. He will believe, deep down, that expressing his genuine self around her will result in his being damaged and/or abandoned.
To avoid this from happening while he was a youngster, he would have done everything he could to please her, and now that he is an adult, he will do the same with his partner – the person who he unknowingly perceives as his mother. This part of him will be locked in the past, not realizing that she is not his mother and that what happened is now done and that he has survived.
If a man can relate to this and is ready to make a change in his life, he may need to seek outside help. With the help of a therapist or healer, this is something that can be done.